I think she's the saddest girl to ever hold a martini.

I'm a really lonely person, I've realized. And whorey. Lonely and whorey.

I decided to have another uncharacteristic Friday night out. Hit some parties on campus with Sam and Alex and ran into the guy who had the party last week with Weasley. Chatted him up and drank a lot of cranberry juice & vodka, which very much clouded my judgement. After returning to Alex's apartment, I felt it was time to head home so I began the walk to my car, which was conveniently on the way back to one of the parties...so I stopped by again...and I ran into that guy again...and we hung out for a bit. Managed to score some free beers for the guys I was with (these dudes were making guys do pushups for beers and girls were doing ridiculous things with each other...it was like retarded Mardi Gras. Beer=beads. All I did was ask if I could have some. I think drunk people forget about that option.) Then a fight broke out...and the cops showed up...so we bolted out the back...

They walked me to my car and I drove them back to their house (where last week's party took place.) and crashed in the bed of that guy...and we made out for a bit. Of course. What else do I do but whore about. I left around 6:30 this morning, woke up late for work, and now here I am...all groggy. It's hard to function when you're still a bit hung over...

I seriously need to quit slutting around. It's depressing me. Sometimes I just want that closeness for a moment, but all it does is make me miss Muttons. I compare all of them to him, and none of them ever match up. Muttons was a very good kisser, and the rest of these guys are completely mediocre. It makes me wonder how you can ever find anyone compatible. Bad kissers are a deal breaker, shallow as that may be. Nothing turns me off more than someone trying to lick my entire face.

God, I miss Muttons...

The sweet is never as sweet without the sour

I'm less upset about my boy problems. I can't say I'm not sad, but I've been giving it some serious thought and I've realized something...

I really liked the way I felt when I was with Muttons. I liked caring about somebody else and feeling like they cared about me too. I've never let myself feel like that, and I don't know if it's because I chose not to or because the right guy never came along, but I've gotten a taste of something that I never really experienced before, and I liked it. A lot. It was a feeling that I wanted to hold onto. In my hopes of getting over Muttons as quickly as possible, I tried to convince myself that I could return to my old ways, but now I realize that I can't. And maybe that's not so bad. Maybe now I won't hold myself to such strict limitations when it comes to matters of the heart. The rejection hurt like hell, but I'm honestly grateful to have had those feelings, if only for a moment. I don't know.

I know it's totally cliche, but I'm only now figuring this stuff out. You have to take the bad with the good, otherwise you won't know how good the GOOD really is...and that is what I intend to do.

Triple Vision.

(after meeting triplets)
ME: Whoa. Either I'm really drunk or there are three of you.

Redux

So I hung out with Weasley last night. Yeah. It was...alright.

We'd made plans to hang out at some kegger later, but first I hit Corey and Breen's show at this pizza barn. I used to go to shows there when I was in 7th grade, so it was really weird to see that's still the case...being moshed on by 12 years olds makes me uncomfortable. They didn't have a singer, so they only did instrumentals, but at one point Corey got way too into it and knocked his keyboard over. It was awful...and hilarious...but he recovered. He always does.

Afterwards I headed up to campus and met up with Weasley. We were just kind of joking and catching up and drinking, it could have been a lot weirder. What made the night so weird though was running into people I'd met at completely random and different parties from months ago, a guy I met at Corey's party the other week, and then various childhood friends I hadn't seen in 10 years. THAT was weird.

The thing that pisses me off about everything though is that after 6 months of not talking to me, Weasley is still the same as he ever was. Can never take a hint, I never know what the fuck he's thinking...I hate him sometimes! It wasn't like sparks were rekindled or anything, something might still be there. I'm definitely not over Muttons yet (haven't heard from him in over a week, I'm guessing we're done...) but it's like Weasley is retarded! He and I critiqued a Playboy together as I sat on his lap. How much more straight forward do I need to be??

Let's just say that I wanted something, any kind of indication of what he might be feeling towards me and I got zilch. I caught him staring at me across the room at times, but he was also really high, he could have just been staring through me...

I just feel wretched.

Muttons doesn't want me, Weasley doesn't want me...

I hate guys.

Que?

I don't usually go out friday nights, but everyone was at the Brewhaus and I felt lonely so I waddled my way over there after work. Drank a few beers and then headed to Club Diversity, a gay bar that doesn't card (YES) and we all hung around speaking espanol mal (there were some chicks from the Dominican Republic in tow.)








Me and the new addition to our crew (cuatro fabuloso) headed over to Castle Blanco because we were starving and it was the only place open. White Castle is icky when gross people try to hit on you and make fun of you for not ordering 16 sandwiches in one sitting... Neither of us had had White Castle in a long time though, and last time I remember it being gross, but this time I finally understood why they made a whole movie about going there....

Woke up hung over for work with a hankerin for some jalepeno poppers...

It's like I have ESPN or something.

ALICIA: What's your shoe size?
ME: Why?
ALICIA: Just wondering.
ME: 8, 8 1/2...
ALICIA: And do you like tan or black better?
ME: You gonna buy me some shoes?
ALICIA: Psh, you know I like to get things early...but you don't know for what occasion or what kind...
ME: Birthday, Uggs?
ALICIA: ...DAMMIT!

Straight up.

MANDY: Andrew says you put the led in his pencil.

Brewhaus will make it better.

Well, I called off work the other day. Something's been going around our office, and I think I'm the latest victim. I felt icky, but I had to get an oil change so I dropped off my car and my sister and I got sushi. Alicia also tried Sake for the first time, and the ensuing drunkeness from her "silly juice" was hilarious. We also got chocolate milkshakes from Godiva which made my whole life better for a few moments.

So I broke and texted Muttons. I hate that I'm so fucking clingy and girly towards him right now. I made it quite clear that I wanted to hang out with him, but he wasn't having it. I had a stalker moment earlier, trying to go to this party I knew he was going to (he claimed no plans when I texted him) because this SLUT that grabbed him and made out with him the night I met him was going to be there, but eventually I realized I was being insane. Still, by some coincidence, the kid who was throwing it friended me on Facebook and invited me to it. My plans were already to party hop, so I figured I'd make it a pit stop.

I went to some party on campus to watch the game. OSU embarrassed themselves and I left after a Corona and a cigarette. I really wanted to go to Mutton's party, but I didn't want to go by myself and I felt like a stalker so I skipped it. I almost went to Blockbuster where Weasley works to confront him about our whole history. I was clearly feeling a bit hostile towards men at the moment. Instead I headed to Breen's and hung out with him for a while, then we drove up to the Brewhaus for Dax's welcome home party. I was bummed about Muttons and the slut, who I was sure he was with, the thought alone making me feel physically ill, and although both Breen and Sam told me I was crazy to think he'd be with slutface over me, I decided to forget my troubles with a loooot of Red Bull & vodka. A LOT. Of Red Bull. And VODKA.
















I ended up trashed and depressed, moping around, wondering aloud why Muttons can't see how great I am. I ended up finding comfort in the arms of some guy who told me he couldn't see anything to dislike about me and that Muttons was an asshole. While I was moping in a chair he announced to everyone that he wanted to kiss me, and proceeded to. Many times. At that moment I needed someone to make me feel good about myself. So I let him. And I felt like crap afterwards. Passed out next to Mandy upstairs, followed shortly by a boisterous drunk named Sam who decided to take over the whole bed (Hi Sam!)



Woke up with my head and my heart hurting...why can't I just forget him...

Sake it to me.

ALICIA: ...So that means that in theory...in theory, that is...

Lord, beer me the strength...

I hate that I try to preoccupy myself with ways to forget about Muttons, and all I do is think about him. Constantly. It's getting on my nerves. And everyone else's. I know because they tell me to shut the hell up...

Ended up having to rescue Sam from the side of the road when her car broke down. We hung out at my sister's for a bit watching Skins (a show I absolutely LOVE now!) and then we headed back to my place. Restless, we decided to meet up with Cake Man at his house. Cake Man is the most random friend I have. I won't get too into how I met this character, only that he was carrying a pan yelling "I HAVE CAKE!" when I ran into him on the street, subsequently beginning one of the funniest nights of my life. We have a bit of history now, mostly in the way of Cake Man being all about me and me not being about him at all...whatsoever...anymore...

We met up with a few of his friends and hit a bar where I spent most of the night drinking nasty 50 cent beers (whatever you do, stay away from Genesee) and trying to fend off Cake Man's advances. It was annoying. We left early and I ended the night thinking about Muttons again...

Dammit.

Pimped.

(introducing me to someone at the party)
COREY: This is my girl Becca! She helps me pick up guys and I help her pick up girls! ...Wait...

Punch drunk love.

I like to...not learn my lesson, it seems, when it comes to gin. So I went to the party. Never has a girl possessed a longer pair of legs (thank you, red suede pumps, tiny shorts) and I saw Muttons. We flirted. HE flirted. Turns out I like to drink when I get pissy. Also turns out that gin doesn't taste so much like gin when you drink it from a turkey baster...or if it's been floating around in a bucket with limes and lemons all day...

So I had some gin-lemonade. And I got mouthy. About politics. Because that's what I do. In the midst of my yelling at some kid about voting for "extreme right-wing nut jobs", Muttons came along to get in on the action and soon we ended up arguing about politics. He'd rather vote for Ron Paul and probably won't even vote this year. I think he's completely and utterly wrong to throw his vote away in either situation. He says I need to read up about federal income tax and how much better off we'd be without it. I said he needs to realize Ron Paul has no chance and he should bet on the winning team.

And then we made out.

What? And yeah, okay fine, it might have started after I told him he's hot when he talks about politics, whatever! Sheesh. So much for just an "eyeful of leg..." But this was perhaps the first discussion he and I have had about something real, not just flirting or joking, actual dialogue about wordly issues, issues in which, as wrong as he is, he actually knows shit about. What can I say? It gets me hot. I'm weird. Porn? No thank you. Democratic National Convention?? SWOON.

Anyway, the gin caught up with me a little bit after that and I disappeared into the bathroom for a good upchuck of all my internal organs. The room was still dizzy when I crawled into Corey's roommate's bed to nap it off. The room stopped spinning an hour later, but unfortunately by that time the party had disappeared...along with Muttons. Bastard didn't even say bye to me. I wouldn't have heard it, passed out as I was, but still. It's the thought, dammit. His room mate even came in to say bye, took my shoes off for me...

Great. Way to make him fall in love with you, becca. Spazz out, make out, pass out. How can he possibly resist you now? Jesus...

Birthdays & Karaoke

My weekend turned out to be a bit of a bust. Mandy's birthday fell on Labor Day so we had all sorts of celebrations leading up to it. Saturday night was her birthday party at the Brewhaus, which despite certain boyfriend-cheating-on-his-girlfriend-with-another-guy drama was quite fun.









Mandy's dad's Labor Day party was on Sunday, and Muttons of course blew me off (though he claims these plans weren't confirmed a.k.a he was probably too high to remember when I said it was) so I was pissy most of the night. I ended up just shooting the shit with Breen after Mandy went out to celebrate the big 21, complaining about Muttons the whole time. Breen claims Muttons has "no personality," nothing to say and that he doesn't get how me and him would get along. I told him to shove it.




For Mandy's actual birthday we took her to dinner at Brio (they have awesome pasta alla vodka) and then met up at a bar with a few other people. This particular bar had karaoke and the best part of the night had to be Corey's rendition of "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul, which I documented for your viewing pleasure:



So I've been bummed out about Muttons lack of effort when it comes to...well anything it seems. I can't figure out if it's about me or this is just the way he is. But he ended up getting back to me today and although the conversation was mundane, it made me feel better to feel like he was thinking about me again. Corey's party is this weekend, which is probably going to be the next time I see him. I haven't seen that bastard in weeks. He's going to get an eyeful of leg...and not much else.

That fool needs to start recognizing how awesome I am.