Yo Beardo! Vote Quimby!

CAKE MAN: Take my I.D. Just sharpie on dark hair.
ME: Or I could just make myself look like you.
CAKE MAN: Good luck with the beard.
ME: You need to shave that thing. Beards are for mountain men.
CAKE MAN: How do you expect me to become a lumberjack if I shave my beard?
ME: Fine. But I get to call you "Beardo."
CAKE MAN: Deal.

Gimme him.

I wanna hang out with lions (who won't eat me..)

Ever since that video, I've been obsessed with all things having to do with lions. I wish I could live like George Adamson lived; Playing with lions all day and sleeping under the stars.

And honestly, if I were so inclined, there's no reason I couldn't...but that would be crazy talk...

Pool Party Therapy

It makes sense to feel the most alone when you're by yourself right? Logically speaking? I think I feel it more than I should. Sometimes surrounding yourself with people just isn't enough. Driving home I feel it the most, when the rest of the world is sleeping and all that seems to exist are the thoughts floating around in my head...

Animals are so fucking incredible, you guys.

This is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Ever. (although you might wanna mute the volume)



It makes me want to hug my little lion...

Some days suck less

(after interviewing a beautiful male specimen)
AMANDA: ...Whoa. That guy was so hot...
ME: I know, he looked like Taye Diggs.
AMANDA: I'm a lesbian and I couldn't stop drooling...

KEN: If it were up to me, I'd rid the world of all children and old people...and Asians.
ME: I'm telling Sanjay you said that.
KEN: Oh my god, and ESPECIALLY Indians!

Bustin' Caps & Babies

Until today, the closest I've ever come to firing a gun was this:



So Alicia, Tommy and I finally succeeded in going to the shooting range. Don't get me wrong, none of us are card carrying members of the gun nut club, but I have to admit it was really fun shooting that gun. The thing that surprised me the most was the force behind each shot. We were firing a 9mm and we were all paranoid that the bullets would ricochet backward (the casings kept falling on my head after I shot...)

We also worried that the people in the lanes next to us might be deranged. No particular reason. They just...could be. And deranged people should not be in possession of firearms.








I'm not even gonna lie. I felt so badass shooting that gun.







They only allowed two at a time in the shooting gallery, so one of us would have to wait behind the plexiglass. When I was out I longed to be back inside, inhaling that sweet smell of gun powder.



Afterwards we went to Mongolian Barbecue with Tommy's family. Alicia and Tommy would not shut up about their stupid new LG phones. Touch screen this, google that, GPS over there, it never ended! All day with this! And me with my poor broken Motorola Pebl, 12 unread text messages that I can't even access. Maaaaan, if I still had that glock...okay that sounds psychotic, let's pretend I didn't say that...


(Alicia drew Milkshake, I drew Meatwad. It was a collaborative effort in helping to identify whose doggy bag was whose...)

After shooting shit all day and eating a big meal, I really didn't feel like doing anything else, but I told Ally I would stop by so I could see her baby. I wasn't particularly looking forward to it, and although I gripe and piss and moan about everything imaginable, for someone who ain't much for babies...this one was pretty alright.




I can't believe Ally has a child. I knew this girl when she had rubber bands in her mouth and suffered orthidontal nightmares. It seems like only yesterday we were passing notes in class, and here she is a mom. Life is going by too fast. I don't like it one bit...

My favorite song to sing drunkenly along to in the car is...

OH BABY, YOUUUUU....

I didn't mean to break ya, baby

I'm a jerk. Really. The worst part is that I know I am.

I don't want to get into it. All that I can conclude from this night is that I am a jerk of epic proportions, especially when I'm drunk. I just don't seem to care about things I would normally consider when I'm sober. It's like I have no regard for human feelings.

Things to note about tonight:
My phone broke.
My party was moved to a friend's house across town. It wasn't my party anymore, really.
Spent most of the night at another party with Corey and Breen. Twas enjoyable.
Got thrown into a pool with all my clothes on. I was piiiissed.
Upside? I got to change into a really comfy shirt/shorts combo that I plan on sleeping in now.

Downside? I'm slightly soggy and reflecting on what an asshole I am...

Who likes to rock the party? We like to rock the party.

When I started my job I was among 4 new hires. Everyone else was fired. And I still remain. Why? I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I am AWESOME. Yes, that must be it. I mean really. Really. C'mon now.

That's enough boasting for today. I'm going to jinx myself. Just jokes, karma, just jokes...

I'm throwing a get together tomorrow. I'm trying to refrain from calling it a "party," mostly because my apartment isn't big enough for "parties." Soirees, maybe. Box socials, of course. But then...enough people are now coming to call it a party...sooo uhhhh...here's hoping I don't get evicted...

Also...how much am I loving all these new "Sunny" promos????





....TOO MUCH.

Happy hour...not so happy...

Going out for drinks after work is pointless when you can't drink. I was forced to watch beer after beer being thrown back as I sat with my Sprite...twirling the ice around with my straw...grumbling...I felt like I was twelve. Where is my place mat and coloring utensils? I can solve this maze with my eyes, thank you.

21 in...4 months.
Boo.

SIDENOTE: My desk at work has a reflective glass, and I noticed today as I was watching the reflection of a plane flying by...upside down planes look like submarines in the sky.

Trippy.

My loafers, former gophers

ME: I'm eating a meatloaf. And it is glorious.
COREY: Damn you. That's my meatloaf!
ME: You hold no claims over any such loafs of meat.
COREY: But you said on saturday that the next meatloaf you make will be specially made because it will be for me :(
ME: But I didn't make this one. When I do make one for you it will be so special it'll be retarded.

Day Man! Fighter of the NIght Man!

Got a new tire. Played Guitar Hero III at my sister's. Ally had her baby. And I ate a meatloaf.

Good day.

Crush you with karate chops

It makes me excited for September...and will not get out of my head. Mission accomplished.

Pour myself a cup of ambition

Work is bumming me out. First of all, my hours are shit. It leaves me with no time to do anything during the week, and on weekends my only day to go out is Saturday because on Friday I get off late and come in early the next day (I texted "get off late and come early" to a friend earlier and giggled to myself at my desk for a minute...I'm so lame, I swear...)

Secondly, our company is dividing into two branches, and the guy that I get along with the most is leaving to go work at the other branch. So tomorrow is his last day and I'm annoyed because he was pretty cool to have around. I like the rest of the guys too, but still...

Third, right around 7 o'clock as the sun sets, a nasty glare comes in through the window and blinds me for at least a half hour. This puts me in a foul mood. They've ordered blinds, but they haven't arriiiived yettt!

Fourth...well, there is no fourth I guess. I've grumbled about everything I need to grumble about. I mean, I like my job, don't get me wrong. And I really do get along well with everyone. It's just...certain aspects that made the job better for me are changing and so it's aggravating to think how it'll be like next week. The least they can do is get those damn blinds up already.

The only good thing about today?? I now have a date with the aforementioned cute stranger next Sunday to see The Dark Knight :) :) :)



So here I am on a Friday night, skipping out on a party in favor of making it to work on time tomorrow. I feel so...responsible. Ugh.

FE/MALE

(after serving Sam & Alex at O'Charleys)
COREY: What's with you and having girl friends with guy names??

I was tired!

Simultaneous responses to my napping at 11pm:

NICK: But it's eleven
COREY: Who naps at 11?
JAMES: What is wrong with you??

Barack the Vote

The next President of the United States is looking sharp.

Beer before liquor, you get even sicker

Words to live by. Truly.



Some nights are really great. You wake up refreshed from a long nap, play some beer pong, flirt with a cute stranger, take some shots toasted "To America," and you're surprised when that certain someone helps you to forget about other certain someones. Things couldn't be going better.

Unfortunately, sometimes you take one shot of gin too many and you end up worshiping the Porcelain God for awhile...

But sometimes, even when you make a complete ass of yourself, you'll find that not only will cute strangers walk you to your car and, even more surprisingly, want your number, but your friends will be there to hold your hair back. Ah, college life...

Drunkends...

I don't think I've ever been more tired in my life. I've had to rewrite that sentence for the last 5 minutes, I can't even hit the right letters.



My night was swell. I attended a beerlympics party for a few hours, drove across town to another party where I chatted with some cool people and played beer pong and searched for Waldo, met up with Corey and we walked down the street to yet another party at a hippie convent, met some interesting characters and then subsequently walked back to the previous party where I sobered up and watched Corey pilfer an entire case of Vitamin Water and rush back to his car. Made my way home and plopped down on the couch...and now here I lay...

I'm ended.

ETA: So I just woke up and I had a dream that the President (It wasn't Bush, I think it was...Hoover...) called me and told me I was doing a fine job. I have no idea what that means. But thanks America.

All work and no play

Today I trained the new receptionist for our other branch. It was nice to have some company while I worked. On the other hand, it made me realize how boring it can get at the front desk. Reading a book and the few idle conversations I get to work in with the sales guys throughout the day only do so much. My days feel so slow...which is both good and bad...

After work Ben picked me up with a few of his friends and we drove around aimlessly. I had to do Alicia a favor, so Ben drove like a maniac to Dublin. When we got back to my apartment, I got out of the car and heard this loud hissing sound. Turns out the dumb bastard punctured his tire. Now he and I both have a donut on our cars. I think I jinxed him. Oh well. Spent the rest of the night playing Guitar Hero, Hitman, and The Suffering while they smoked pot. I can't handle smoking it, but I do enjoy being immersed in its delightful aromas. Blame my surrogate father (Tommy) but it just feels homey to me.

In other news, I'm sick and have an early doctor's appointment across town, then Western Union to take care of my mother's business, then work, then fireworks (hopefully). GUH.