Every weekend fall to the flooring

Life has been busy and hectic. I'm ecstatic.

My job is pretty cool. I like the people I work with and it's a pretty easy gig. My hours are a little weird (12-9pm) but it beats dealing with rush hour traffic. But aside from becoming a productive member of society, I am still getting into my fair share of debauchery. Last night was no exception.







I watched a guy Michael Scotting all over the dance floor, I watched an ex FWB screw over a BFF, I watched a dude with Hodgkin's Disease light up a cigarette and say, "Fuck cancer," and I watched the sun come up.

And I've come to realize that the drunker I am, the better my hand eye coordination. Could I be the only beer pong champ consistently jonesing on a daily basis?? I think so.

He's a stocker by day, he' s a dancer by night, he's a stock boyyy...

Today I was told that I was "poised and confident."
They'll learn soon enough...

Oh, I have a job now. :)

No cookie.

(regarding the discontinued Keebler cookies)
ALICIA: They tasted like magic. Well, they were made by fucking elves, so...

Akookstic

You came on your own, that's how you'll leave.

My aunt's sister committed suicide on Friday. She was 24. I didn't expect for it to hit me as hard as it did, because I didn't know her very well, but when we got to the wake...seeing all those people crying, John Lennon's "Imagine" playing softly in the background as pictures of her flashed on a projector, my little cousin sobbing into my chest...it was hard not to get choked up. I just kept looking from the pictures, with her alive and smiling, and back to her in the casket, still and cold and dead.

Alive. Dead. Alive. Dead.

On the drive home Alicia and I had a talk about suicide and whether or not it's selfish. I used to be pretty suicidal when I was depressed, and though the feeling has been gone for a few years, I still remember how hopeless it made me feel. I can't decide if I think it's selfish. On one hand, you see how upsetting it is for the people who've lost her. But then, if she was that unhappy, to the point of ending her life, isn't it selfish to expect her to continue on as if everything is fine? I mean...we all live our own lives. It's easy to judge someone else on what they do because you don't have to live it.

Lately I just feel like it all seems so pointless. I try adding everything up; college, marriage, house, kids, death. It seems like there's no in between, no real purpose for any of it. We all just do what the people did before us...because what else can we do? I didn't want to go to college, but I went because everyone told me I have to go. But do I? No. And if I don't...what? How does it add up then?

I want to be optimistic. I try to look at life as a series of moments. I think the only way I can really be happy is if I try to live in those moments. I don't like to think about the future or where I'll end up or what I'll be doing or who will be there. Because if I do then that feeling returns. The one that tells me it's all rubbish and I might as well just give up.

Beuller? (Jazz Fest)

Baking.

ME: I don't need any little cake babies running around with Cake Man.
SAM: ...You mean cupcakes?

Disco Lemonade

Went to dinner with the girls today. Ally's got a rock on her finger that could cut a bitch in half. It's impressive, but $4,000 seems so excessive for an engagement ring. I understand cut, color, clarity and all that, but I could buy 2 Macbooks and like 5 Roombas for that. Why Roombas? I just like the idea of a robot who does my bidding. I mean, hello, we're in the 21st century. We should be living like The Jetsons by now.

And where's my flying car??




Sam and I went on a sunglasses shopping spree at the mall and decided to model our new gear.



"Cool people do cool things." I love random explanations...



I tried to get Zeppelin in on the action, but he was a bit squirmish.



C'mon, Zeppy, you knew this was coming.



Hold still, you...



I dub you Lennon.

The guiltiest cat there ever was.

Women are the cows of people.

Sometimes I start googling/wikipedia(ing?) and go from one topic to the next. My thought process went like this today:


Mr. Belvadere
Clone High
Joan of Arc
Mahatma Ghandhi
tsetse flies

Hm...

:(

I have been feeling really sad lately.

I think the best course of action is to eliminate all that has been adding to my depression. This includes:

-Guys (if you have a penis, go away)
-Being unemployed (need money now. me sick.)
-Procrastinating (my room needs a good scrub down)
-Not being in control (smug bastards are at fault)
-Thinking like a chick (or at least emoting like one)

I want to include more of this stuff:

-Learning (piano, Korean, philosophy, buddhism)
-Animals (I want to see a baby elephant at the zoo)
-Exercise (it's a little flabby around the mid-section...)
-Mind expansion (not acid)
-Conversations (with people who aren't stupid)

And I'd prefer life to be as random as this kid:

I don't get paid unless you get paid

So unless you live in Ohio, you've probably never heard of Kevin Kurgis. He's a lawyer based in Columbus whose commercials run ALL THE TIME. Every commercial is the same: Kevin Kurgis is in a courtroom and then immediately turns and starts sauntering towards the camera like he's gonna punch you in the face unless you call him. It's hilarious.



I was reminded of it at Corey's, as he had a Kevin Kurgis t shirt on and proceeded to do the funniest impression of him. I wondered if the rest of the world was aware of him, and of course Youtube never fails me:



It kills me when he starts chasing after the camera...

Loser bouquet

It's just like snoooow!

My night included rum & coke, Arrested Development, serenades, smoking cigarettes through one of these (and feeling like Audrey Hepburn), and TV dinners. Not a bad way to spend the evening.



Corey (below) was my first boyfriend. We were twelve. The extent of our relationship was hugging after recess, and then running away like mad. Two weeks in, Corey said to me "I don't think we should go out anymore." I shrugged and said "Okay." Then we hugged and ran off like mad.

I consider this to be my most fulfilling relationship.



(sorry about the darkness, serenading by candlelight will do that...)

Exercise porn

"C'mon Rex, you got it, you got it."
"Squeeze the buttocks."
"Just like that, do it just like that."
"Ooh, I like that."
"Really concentrate on squeezing, keep going."
"C'mon, up, down, down slow."



I need to not be awake this early...

Pure Morning

I'm glad my mishaps amuse you.

Sometimes I imagine my life as The Truman Show, and when my nights spin out of control it's just the powers that be working against me...struggling for ratings...



This is all I need to be happy today. The network is gonna be pissed...

Shower.

Apparently you shouldn't say "Babies are weird and I don't want one" at a baby shower. Good to know.






I likened Ally's pregnancy to the movie Alien.
Her mother still thinks I'm a weirdo.

The sky was gold

Song stuck in head:



This will forever remind me of being in a crowded living room, with a dude in the middle singing this song on guitar, and everyone else chanting "Doo doo doo!" and me sitting there kind of wide eyed...

Donuts.

My internship interview was a bust and I blew out my tire for nothing.
What a waste.

The hills are alive...with...corn.

Nar nar nar...



It's Corn Man!



A field of corn on the cob sculptures...only in Ohio...

Urban Decay

Today I picked up my friend Andrew for a photo shoot around Columbus.



Andrew actually cut his hand by christening the wall with a beer bottle. But sometimes we must sacrifice ourselves for the sake of art.





We felt quite smarmy parking ourselves in front of that dumpster...






We came upon this abandoned church that was all boarded/locked up.





There was an opening in the walls where you could peer inside, and Andrew freaked out, claiming to have seen a bat. He was brave enough to go back to the hole and take this picture:



Me: "...I think that's a plastic bag..."
Andrew: "The most terrifying bag I ever saw."





Andrew is gay...so we found this hilarious. Yes, we're twelve...






...grumbled Albie, quite racistly...








Walking through this park, we spotted a bunch of couples getting cozy and joked about all the fornicating going on. Then we came upon this, and well...



...we stopped laughing...

Columbus Park of Roses

Don't trust the monkey...

For the first time since I moved out on my own, my fridge/cupboards are fully stocked with food.




I feel so much less...college-y. Gone are the days where I live day by day with Ramen Noodles.

Ah well. My fridge is still quite childish.



Today I learned that just because food has a funny sounding name does not mean it will taste any good. I have learned my lesson with Chocolate Chip Chimpies...which I wouldn't have bought had the tricycle riding monkey on the box not made eyes with me...

Do they smoke grass up in space? Or do they smoke astroturf?

You could literally...cruise...the vistas...